21 ways to annoy
by jade-hairyflipper
Summary: Each chapter has a list of how to annoy different Twilight characters. My first fanfic : R&R. Flames are welcome.
1. Edward

21 ways to annoy….

Summary: Each chapter is a list of how to annoy certain twilight characters. My first fan fic : ).Disclaimer: I do not own twilight, or any of the characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

By GloriaLapointeStead : ) enjoy.

**Chapter 1-- Edward**

1. If he asks where Bella is, tell him she ran off with Jacob.

2. Concentrate REALLY hard on dirty thought.

3. Throw holy water on him, wear garlic around your neck, and hold a cross out in front of you while saying the power of christ compels you.

him that Jacob thinks he's a sex god.

5. Ask him if you can chew on his arm.

6. Sit in his room and stare at him for hours.

7. If he asks you what your doing, say your not going to leave till he falls asleep.

8. If he tries to tell you he can't sleep, then say santa claus won't come, then proceed to stare at him.

9. Repetedly think the Pokemon theme song in your head.

10. Accuse Edward of making Jacob "happy" at night.

11. Somehow get Jacob to agree with your accusations in front of everybody

12. Force him to watch the 40 year-old virgin, and give him accusational glares throughout the movie.

13. Skip around the house singing 'Like a Virgin' by Madonna.

14. Hire a stripper to pop out of Edwards and Bella's wedding cake.

15. Show him the Twilight trailer and ask him if he thinks he looks like a pedophile, or if it's just you.

16. Picture yourself naked and covered in blood, and ask him if he wants you.

17. If he says no, scream "LIAR!" and run away crying.

18. Nail all his CD's and stereo to the ceiling, and refuse to take it down when he asks.

19. Cover his Volvo, and vanquish in honey and feathers.

20. Put banana's all over his house and say it was the banana monster.

21. If he gets mad at you for annoying him, turn to the person next to you and say, "it's his time of the month".

Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'll try to update once a day (atleast), and eventually get all the twilight characters. Also, I'll just say this now, but I got most of these from other lists, so if some of them look familiar, that's why. Thanks : )

~GloriaLapointeStead


	2. Jacob

21 ways to annoy…..

Hey guys, thanks for reading J I hope you guys like it. Also, I plan on finding someone to read and edit/correct the stories haylee and I make. 

Ok, here goes the second chapter. : )

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or any of the characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**Chapter 2--Jacob**

1. Never speak English around him. Instead, always bark.

2. Tell him dogs make good pets, not good partners.

3. Tell him that even though he runs at 108.9 degrees, Bella still doesn't find him hot.

4. Ask him if he like to do things doggy style.

5. Make him a day-by-day flip calender, counting down the amount of days Bella remains human.

6. Yell "Here Jacob!, common boy!" every time you call him over.

7. Put kitty posters on his bedroom walls.

8. Buy him a vampire costume for Halloween.

9. Spray him with a squirt bottle every time he swears.

10. See how many times you can poke him before he phases.

11. When he's in wolf form, steal his pants

12. Continuously squeal like a little girl and pet him.

13. Paint his motorcycle hot pink.

14. Buy him a cat.

15. Name it Edward.

16. Tell him he's not a REAL werewolf, he's just a shape shifting loser.

17. Show him the honey moon scene in Breaking Dawn.

18. Ask if he actually drinks out of the toilet bowl.

19. Refuse him when he says no.

20. While he's sleeping, put ketchup packets around his bed, making it so he can't get out of bed.

21. Laugh at him when he tries anyways.

I forgot to mention this last chapter, but REVIEW! I wanna know how im doing, what I should change, suggestions. Flames don't hurt me. J Oh, and if someone could explain to me what beta is, then that would be awesome.~GloriaLapointeStead 


	3. Alice

21 ways to annoy…..

Yay J I actually got reviews. I never thought that they could make you feel so good ;) *sniff* but anyways, here's another chapter.

Oh. And im not gonna write a disclaimer on each page. It's annoying, and im pretty sure everyone knows Stephanie Meyer owns it, not me. And if you actually wanna see it then just look at my first 2 pages.

**Chapter 3--Alice**

1. Take her credit cards, hold them above your head, and tell her to jump for them.

2. Tell her if she was just a few inches shorter, she'd be legally a midget.

3. Cut up ALL of her clothes to shreds.

4. Wear the skimpiest clothes whenever your around her.

5. When she has a vision, ask her if her "spidey senses" are tingling.

6. Trip her and ask if she saw it coming.

7. Offer her a position for a psychic hotline.

8. Ask her what you'll be doing in five minutes, every ten minutes.

9. Hold her favorite top out in front of her, and burn it.

10. Always call her 'Hobit' instead of Alice.

11. Make up your mind that you going to kill somebody.

12. Crash her yellow porsch and blame it on Edward.

13. Play dress up, and dress her up in a horrible outfit. When she makes a face, cry and call her a bad friend.

14. Change your mind 10 000 times a day.

15. Call her ugly.

16. Go into her closet holding a drink, and "accidentally" spill it all over her clothes, then blame it on Emmett.

17. Sell her porsch to Jacob for $5.

18. Pelt her with cloves of garlic.

19. When you go in the sun with her, fall into a twitching heap on the ground and shriek, "I'm melting!"

20. Tell her that Rosalie told you she thought Alice was sexy.

21. Tell her that Bella hates her and was only pretending to be her friend.

That was not my favorite chapter. Characters that are not quite as popular are hard to do cause there's not much to get information from. Anyways, next up is Bella J Reviews please, they make me feel special :P~GloriaLapointeStead


	4. Bella

21 ways to annoy…..

Thanks for the reviews guys J…. I have nothing else to say O_o. oh well. On with the chapter.

**Chapter 4-- Bella**

1. Ask about Mike atleast 10 times a day.

2. Ask if the thought of Edward biting her makes her…."happy"

3. Say that since Edward is technically dead, she is into necrophilia. Tell her that is sick, and wrong, and that she should stop her weird fetishes.

4. Tell her we know the real reason she married Edward - the honeymoon

5. In the most serious voice, tell her that Edward went to the volturi, and then cry.

6. Constantly remind her she's not yet a vampire.

7. Tell her Edward left her for Victoria.

8. When she says Victoria's dead, say "I know" and walk away.

9. Put on red contacts, and go to Bella and say, "look what Edward did to me!"

10. Give her a pet bat for Christmas.

11. Tell her that Emmett has her name tattooed on his back.

12. Tell your guidance counsellor that Bella hears voices in her head, and that she thinks she's dating a vampire.

13. Kiss Edward.

14. Tell Jacob that Edward might suck blood, but you should see what Bella sucks.

15. Everytime you see Bella, call her Isabella Marie Swan.

16. Buy her a puppy named Jacob.

17. Tell her James and Victoria tried to kill her because Edward paid them too.

18. Convince Mike Bella's madly in love with him.

19. Tell her she should move with her mom in Florida. Everyone's life would be better off.

20. During one of Edwards nightly visits, take a picture then show it to Charlie.

21. Get Alice to tell her she's about to die.

Hop you guys enjoyed that one. Here's I joke I found online while looking for idea's for this chapter:

Jacob - Hey Bella, what's the same between Edward and a Christmas tree?Bella - I don't know, what?

Jacob - There balls are just for decoration

Lol. Hope you enjoyed it. Next up is Jasper. The more people who review, the faster I post the chapter.

~ GloriaLapointeStead


	5. Jasper

1

_**21 ways to annoy....**_

I'm SO sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. With school starting again, I just don't have as much free time as I did over the holidays. I appreciate all the reviews though. And here the order the next couple chapters will go in:

1. Jasper

2. Emmett

3. Rosalie

4. Esme

5. Carlisle

Make suggestions if theres other people you want me to add, or if I forgot any of the Cullens. Now, onto the next chapter :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 5-Jasper**

1. Beg him not to eat you

2. Spell his name with two a's and call him Jaspar Cullen. When he objects saying his name is Jasper Hale, wave your hands in the air and tell him that all the blood must have gone to his head

3. Tell him only girls feel emotions, then giggle and run away

4. Send out waves of lusts and see how he reacts

5. Whenever he says anything, snap to attention and say "Sir, Yes Sir!" and salute him army style

6. Ask him if he takes medicine for his depression

7. Switch his shampoo with orange hair dye

8. Take him to the studio audience of Dr. Phil. When it's over, offer to console him because the show convinced you that he was emotionally unstable. Lecture him for countless hours about how he can improve this

him in a room with a girl that is PMSing and has emotional problems

10. When he's sitting quietly in the corner, start singing im an emo kid

11. Ask him whether ghosts are real or not. Whatever he answers, reply with "have you got a cousin named casper?"

12. Walk into the room as quietly as possible, then yell "Attend, HUT!"

13. Write "turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper (blond joke)

14. When he gets too close, cross your fingers, and cry "the power of Christ compels you!"

15. Inform him that he seems to be the "depressed" Cullen

16. Dress up in a cape and fangs and jump out in front of him when he least expects it proclaiming you have come to suck his blood

17. Always call him a cowboy

18. Ask him why he's always quiet and depressed

19. Before he can answer, ask to see his arm and exclaim "JASPER HALE! EMO'S DO NOT BITE THEMSELVES! Your doing it all wrong

20. Pay Mike to hit on Alice while Jasper's around

21. Buy him s hideous pink sweater, and start balling when he doesnt wear it, exclaiming he's a terrible friend

I have a feeling the rest of the story is going to come out crap. All the other people are too hard to write. Anyways, review! I havnt heard any flames yet. Constructive criticism is good! Oh, and im still trying to figure out what a beta is. Thanks, :)

~GloriaLapointeStead


	6. AN DONT SKIP!

1**AUTHORS NOTE: **I know you guys hate me for not posting, but I promise on my life I will work on at least 1 chapter this march break. This will be my last chapter for a while though. Probably until schools out because I've been getting so much homework. The person I share this acount with is probably having the same issue with posting too. But yah, tell me what one chapter you want posted this week, and ill choose whichever one people voted for most. Lawl, sorry if this note was confusing, I just woke up and am on the crappiest computer you can imagine.

P.S. sorry for posting an annoying authors note : P


End file.
